Freedom That Comes From Becoming Nobody

Written by: Amrita Matz

From the time we’re children, we’re taught to become somebody. To stand out. To succeed. To be the smartest, the funniest, the kindest, the prettiest, the most successful—whatever our family or culture happens to value. Much of our lives become organized around building an identity, proving ourselves to our family and society that were someone important, and feeling like we’ll finally feel happy once we’re successful and attain “the things” (defined by our individual cultures).

My Story of Suffering Trying To Be Somebody

Before these teachings, if someone asked what I did, I wasn’t simply answering a question. I was quietly trying to communicate, “Don’t worry… I’m becoming someone important.” Whether it was graduate school, becoming a therapist, managing a healing center, starting my own business, or whatever chapter I happened to be in, I was always pointing toward who I was becoming. Even though I wasn’t actively successful yet, my identity was linked to the future success I was going to have, rooted in becoming somebody.

Looking back, I can also see how much suffering was wrapped up in chasing “becoming somebody important.” Every setback felt personal. Every closed door felt like proof that I wasn’t enough yet. When plans didn’t work out, when opportunities disappeared, or when life changed directions, I wasn’t just grieving the loss of a career or a dream—I was grieving the loss of who I thought I needed to become. There was so much pain in feeling like all of my hard work wasn’t amounting to anything, so much shame in believing I still wasn’t somebody. The suffering wasn’t simply that things weren’t working out. The suffering came from believing my worth depended on eventually becoming someone important. And because I wasn’t “there yet” I was in a constant state of suffering.

Ram Dass “Becoming Nobody” Talks Changed My Life

Then I discovered Ram Dass’ talks on “becoming nobody.” They offered a completely different way of looking at life. Instead of constantly asking, “Who am I becoming?” there was an invitation to ask, “What if I didn’t have to become anybody at all?” The Love Serve Remember Foundation had gathered them into one collection, and I listened to hours and hours of them. I can’t tell you exactly how it happened. I just know that, little by little, something started relaxing inside of me. I no longer felt the same need to explain myself, justify myself, tell people who I used to be, or who I was going to become. There was a freedom I had never known before. A freedom I still have and do by my best to nuture.

For me, that was the first step. Realizing that I didn’t have to be somebody. That it was okay to be nobody. To me, becoming nobody means becoming someone who no longer needs to be somebody—someone who doesn’t need status, recognition, importance, or an identity to feel complete. That realization alone brought an incredible sense of freedom and peace.

Fast forward a few years, and I’ve started noticing something else. Maybe there’s another layer to this teaching. Maybe the first step is becoming nobody—letting go of the need to become somebody.

But perhaps the next step is letting myself be nobody.

Because even becoming nobody can become another trip, as Ram Dass would say. Like “Look at me… I’m becoming nobody,” could still be a version of somebody if we use it like “Im becoming nobody. See I’m someone being no one. I’m spiritual, see.” The ego has a remarkable way of making an identity out of almost anything.

For me, letting myself be nobody feels like a deeper letting go. It’s allowing people to put me into whatever category they want. It’s allowing people to misunderstand me, overlook me, underestimate me, or simply not know who I am.

I don’t know if this is simply another unfolding of Ram Dass’ teaching or just the way it’s revealing itself in my own life. Either way, I keep returning to this small distinction:

First, become nobody. (Let go of family and societal pressures to be somebody. Let go of the belief that happiness, fulfillment, or peace will come once you’ve “made it.” Realize that you don’t have to become somebody important in order to be enough.)

Then, let myself be nobody. (Let people think what they will think. When the urge to become somebody returns—and it will— you don’t have to satisfy it. I let myself remain nobody, even in moments when my ego wants to be seen.)

Maharajji Knows, God Knows

I also want to be clear that I don’t think it’s wrong to stand up for ourselves. It’s not wrong to correct someone, to share our strengths, to ask someone to understand us, or to help someone see us more fully. Sometimes we need to find our voice, and that’s exactly what’s needed. Sometimes using our voice is an act of honesty, clarity, or even self-love.

This is simply another offering to consider. Another doorway to freedom. Another path toward inner peace.

The freedom of realizing that I don’t always have to explain myself. I don’t always have to make sure people understand me. I don’t always have to correct the story someone has about who I am. Sometimes I can simply let myself be nobody.

Not because I lack a voice, but because, in that moment, I no longer need my peace to depend on being seen.

When I remember this, something in my whole nervous system relaxes. I stop carrying the burden of trying to manage other people’s perceptions of me. I stop feeling responsible for making sure everyone understands who I am, what I’ve done, or what I meant. Instead, I can rest in something much quieter.

For me, that quiet place is remembering that what is true about me already exists, whether anyone else sees it or not. Maharaji knows. God knows. And in my own heart, I know. That truth doesn’t become more true because someone recognizes it, and it doesn’t become less true because they don’t.

There’s a profound freedom in no longer needing every conversation to end with feeling understood. Sometimes I can simply let people think what they think, bless them, and move on. Not because I don’t matter, but because I no longer need their understanding to know that I do.

To me, this feels like another layer of the journey of becoming nobody— continuing to discover how deeply it can unfold in my own life.

BECOMING NOBODY Ram Dass Lectures

If any of this resonates with you, I highly recommend exploring Ram Dass’ teachings on this subject. The Love Serve Remember Foundation has gathered many of his talks around the theme of Becoming Nobody in the Ram Dass Inner Academy. They’ve been deeply transformative in my own life, and I continue to return to them again and again.

Ram Dass Inner Academy: Ram Dass Inner Academy