Suffering to Surfing: The Surrender That Saved Me
By: Gurucharan Das
There’s a line that quietly sums up everything I’ve lived:
“When I had everything, I felt lost.
And when I lost everything, I found myself.”
Not in a book. Not in a ritual.
But in the ashes of control, in the unraveling of identity — in a moment of grace.
And what carried me through that?
Not just my knowledge of Maharajji and Ram Dass —but the moment it felt like they knew me.
Not just faith — but surrender.
I Knew of the Guru — But Did the Guru Know Me?
I first visited the Taos Hanuman Temple in 2011.
I remember walking in, curious… observing the devotees sitting in deep reverence —chanting, offering fruit and flowers with such stillness.
“Who is this Neem Karoli Baba?” I wondered.
“Why does it feel like He’s actually here?”
That day, something shifted.
A small tear cracked open the door.
My heart — perhaps for the first time — tasted bhakti
But here’s the thing: That recognition was just the beginning. The surrender would take over a decade.
From seeing Maharajji wrapped in his blanket…
To realizing, years later, I was wrapped in it too.Yes, I had heard of Neem Karoli Baba. Yes, I had read Be Here Now. I admired Ram Dass. I nodded at the wisdom. I shared the quotes.But deep down, I was still holding the steering wheel.
Trying. Managing. Striving.
I believed in grace — but I didn’t live it.
I believed in surrender — but I feared letting go.Until nothing I did worked.
And in that unraveling, something shifted: I began to feel watched over. Guided. As if I had finally stopped just knowing about the Guru — and the Guru now knew me.
A Whisper in the Temple
Years later, I returned to Taos Temple — this time, heart cracked, broken open.
No plans. No fixing. Just prayer. And in the silence, I heard a whisper — not in my head, but right beside me:
“Total surrender.”
I opened my eyes. No one. I closed them again.
Again, the same whisper:“Total surrender.”
Later I would come to understand…
That was Ram Dass. Not as an idea.Not as memory.
But as presence.That moment became a turning point.
The Guru was no longer someone I was learning about. He had become someone I was learning from.
Saying “I Surrender” Is Not the Same as Surrendering
After that moment, I walked away saying “Yes, I surrender.” But the truth? It was mostly just words.
Just a hopeful offering, not yet a full letting go.Every time I meditated, I would hear that voice again — warm, amused:
“Did you really surrender?”
And I’d smile, caught again: Kinda. Maybe. Almost?
But Maharajji waits for truth.Not performance.
And so, life kept humbling me:
Plans unraveled
Status faded
Identity cracked
Ego softened
Until I finally let go — not of life — but of my illusion of control.
Surfing the Waves of Surrender
Ram Dass once compared spiritual life to surfing:
“You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”
And what does surfing require?Balance. Practice.
Trust in forces larger than you.
And sometimes? Falling. A lot of falling.
Just like learning to ride a bike — you fall, and fall, and fall…Until one day — something clicks.
You stop overthinking.You stop resisting.And you surrender —to balance, to gravity,to rhythm, to trust.
That’s what happened to me. I had to fall — again and again —until I stopped trying to steer my own awakening, and started trusting the process itself.
The Deepening of Bhakti
This is when bhakti gets real. Not in a temple.
Not in reciting verses. But in the moment when nothing else works — and all you can say is: “Okay Maharajji, I trust You.”
That is bhakti.
Not love with conditions.
But love that becomes trust.
Sant Dnyaneshwar said:“Where there is true surrender, knowledge dawns by itself.”
You stop trying to solve the puzzle…And something softer, something wiser — dawns within you.
Your Guru Has a Bigger Plan
So if you’re in the middle of your own storm —If things aren’t going your way —If you feel lost, tired, or unseen…
Pause. Light a candle. Whisper Ram Ram Ram.
You are not forgotten.You are not behind. You are being carried. Because here’s the grace in it all:
When you have nothing left to hold on to…
That’s when you learn how to surf.
You balance on the waves — not by gripping or forcing but by letting go You move not with fear, but with faith.
You surf — not with certainty, but with surrender.And in that quiet rhythm of trust, you begin to move with love.
And this is where Maharajji’s teaching begins to take root in daily life: Love. Serve. Remember.
The Illusion of Control (and the Ride of Your Life)
We build.
We cling.
We attach.
We suffer.
Ram Dass said, “We’re all just walking each other home — but on the way, we build houses and pretend we live in them.”
We construct identities and plans.We micromanage the waves. We think we’re surfing by our own design.
LOL. Nope.
We’re not in control — not really.We’re learning to trust. Because the Guru is controlling the ocean.He sets the tide. He sends the waves.And when we finally stop resisting…We realize this isn’t punishment.
It’s a ride.Not to be feared — but to be felt. Not to be braced against — but to be surrendered into.
And the moment you say, “Okay Maharajji, I’m yours” — is the moment the ride changes. It becomes rhythm. Grace. Wonder.
That’s the path of bhakti.
That’s the path of love.
That’s the path of Maharajji:
Love. Serve. Remember.
